Family Talks

I’m out to my closest pals and colleagues but not to my family. I’ve thought about coming out to them but I don’t wanna give my mama a heart attack. Thing is people in my family talk. When someone does something crazy, they discuss it until someone else does something crazier. Whenever i hear that so and so did, I don’t say nothing about it cos i wouldn’t want anyone in my business. If they ever found out that I’m gay, I know which of my aunts would suggest that they take me for “mahoya” as in prayers. I’m not really worried about what they would say and how long they would talk about it, I’m worried about my mother. She didn’t do anything wrong. She raised me right. It’s such a shame, I like all this pages about gay rights on Facebook and I even have a blog about it yet i haven’t given my family a chance to accept me.

 

Angry Gay Kenyan

Wow it’s been a while. Thumbs up to Newyork. The question is when will we ever get there? The price of flour keeps going up. Kenyans spend most of their lives in traffic. The terrible Soap Opera Uhurailaruto is still being aired. I’m sure if we had ratings most Kenyans would rather keep them latino soaps. We have too many problems to worry about the gays. Although most Kenyans are still tribalic, there’s one thing i’m sure majority would agree on and that is we don’t belong here, we are victims of Western civilization….yeah that’s what they say. It’s tough. We’re still getting thrown out of clubs, all it takes is one complaint. It’s tough and it’s sad, In Nairobi i only know 3 clubs where 2 men can hold hands and flirt like there’s no tomorrow. Maybe next year we’ll have four and maybe i’ll come out to my family. I might get disowned… Actually i will be disowned.

 

Aint life a bitch :(

It was love at first sight, should have been lust at first sight. I was used to that kind of life. No pain just uncomplicated pleasure. But noooooooooooh cupid had other plans.

Late at night when all the world is sleeping i stay up and think of her. I’m sure she doesn’t do the same, as in think of me. It hurts like hell when you love someone and she doesn’t feel the same way. She is the reason why I haven’t been posting anything for the past 2 months. I don’t wanna talk about her, i haven’t been talking about her but maybe i should talk about her to get her out of my system. I need a shrink or weed.

 

Homophobia At Work

I’m glad I was not there for long and that i did not quit. Well one of my former bosses had a habit of calling people gay if they were not performing or if they dressed differently. He once came to my desk and asked me if i had gone gay. I kept quite and he asked with a frown on his face if i was gay. I told him I was but then i remembered my bank account, i desperately needed the job. I smiled and said i was just kidding. He smiled back and walked away satisfied. How i would have loved to slap the shit out of him.

I was not his only victim he had a habit of making asinine remarks especially during meetings even when the big bosses were around. Funny enough they thought he was funny. He once called my straight pal gay in front of everybody. I don’t care if he had any evidence to support his accusations. It was not his place to share that with us. Being queer does not mean that you cannot perform your duties properly. No one is perfect. The mistakes that we make in life are not so important as the lessons we draw from them.

I got another job but the saddest part is i was never able to stand up to him. It’s nice here at least no one is yelling that’s so gay just when you’re about to sip your tea. People respect each other here. Despite all that I still feel it’s safer for me to remain closeted. My colleagues were grilling me the other day over lunch about my love life. They kept saying “HE” and i kept saying “THAT OTHER PERSON”, I just couldn’t say “SHE”. Trust me whispers are louder than normal conversations. Sometimes last year there was a story about a lesbian policewoman who committed suicide and left a note accusing colleagues of homophobia. She hanged herself and is believed to have left a four-page suicide note claiming she was prejudiced against because of her sexuality. This happened somewhere in the States. If it was in Uganda they would have killed her first before she even thought of it.

 

I’m I Hallucinating?

I’ve said this before my gaydar is simply pathetic. There’s this chic at work. I caught her staring at me last week. I was wearing some very gay boots. Although I had make up on anyone in their right mind could tell that I’m queer. I ran into her the following day and told her that she looked nice. I’m sure I’m not the only person that noticed.

Anywho, yesterday I ran into her again. She was passing right behind me. She rubbed my back all the way down to the waistline and said hi. I said hi back, then she smiled as she walked away. I’m not sure if she was just being friendly and girlie. I know straight girls who are like that. I don’t know if I should approach her. If I do I might freak her out that is if she is straight. If I don’t I might never know if she likes me back. If she does there’s a great chance she is expecting me to make the first move.

 

Happy New Year

Hey, hope ya’ll had a Merry Christmas. It’s been a while. I had almost forgotten about this space, time has not been on my side. I’m back but I might disappear again. Still single and a little bit horny lol. Well I tried letting someone in but it was just a stupid crush. Remember the tall dark one I told ya’ll about? Well she just likes flirting with me. She thinks I’m interesting and she likes spending time with me but that’s it. Took her out on her birthday. She likes reading so I bought her some books. My pal from work helped me pick them, she likes reading as well and she was more than happy to help.

I thought I was done with Lola but I was wrong. I took the tall dark one to the same restaurant I took her. We sat a few tables from where Lola and I sat over a year ago. My eyes were glued to the spot most of the time. Stupid huh? Well I am, I’m super stupid when it comes to matters of the heart. I couldn’t help but remember how good it felt being in her presence. I couldn’t help but remember all that we talked about and how beautiful her smile was…..yeah I couldn’t help but remember!

Anywho, Christmas was a blast. I was not planning to get drunk. I was supposed to have one glass of wine but I ended up getting wasted. To make matters worst I shared a joint with one of my neighbors. I went home the moment I realized I was not myself anymore. Weed makes me smiley and shit. I called a few people before retiring to bed. Keep in mind I was drunk and high.

I spent New Years Eve at home with my nieces and nephew. It was fun especially because one of my niece did not have the slightest idea of what was going on. We woke her up at midnight, she was confused. There were kids running down the streets lighting steel wools and making merry. We could see fireworks from the city centre it was beautiful. I don’t remember the last time I had so much fun. You can never go wrong with kids.

So far the New Year has been good. 2010 sucked for the most part but I don’t regret anything that went down. They say the older you grow the wiser you become. I have become more responsible than I was a year ago. Responsible in terms of how I spend my money and how I treat other people. My New Year resolution is to stop using coke. That won’t be a problem cos I’ve never really started lol. Anyway guys wish ya’ll a lovely New year. Time past is gone. Time future is not. Time present is the only time for you

 

I’m back

Hey people, it’s been a while. Well i’ve been annoyingly busy. When i get home i can’t think of anything else but sleep. Normally i sleep late but for the past one month i’ve been sleeping everywhere. In the mat, in the bathroom and at work. I’m not stressed i just have a lot on my mind. It’s work related and oh i have a new crush. She is about my height, dark, gorgeous and smart. She is not only beautiful on the outside but also on the inside. The only problem is she is straight. I don’t know i think she flirts back. Lola Lola Lola….. She texted me a while back inviting me to her place but i postponed since i was busy. I wanted to see her the next weekend and we agreed to it but she didn’t call to give me directions. Her boyfriend happens to be town and she is extremely happy. I don’t get bisexuals. Apparently sleeping with another woman is not cheating. I don’t hate them i just don’t understand them. Would I hook up with Lola? Yeah I would but i don’t think i can ever go down on her while she is still seeing that guy. So gross……I don’t think i would even respect her. I guess that’s why i should stay away from her. We can keep our conversations sweet and short……that’s the only way we can remain friends.

 

Change is not always good…

I did my nails differently last Sunday. I’ve been using the same colour for almost 2yrs now. The guy who works on them suggested i try a different one. I couldn’t say no, he is always so nice to me. Anywho, he did them nicely. He even painted a black and white flower on them….. I’ve been getting compliments about them especially from women. I know it should be a good thing but i’m just not feeling them. I feel so girlie and blonde…

 

My coming out affair…

She knew she was gay at an early age. She invited me over to her place. It wasn’t a sleep over i knew she was going to fuck me and i wanted to learn. I didn’t plaster my face with make up, just some lip balm and some perfume. I wore my favourite cargo pants, a t-shirt and some sneakers. We met in town. She had educated me about safe sex over the phone. I respected her but i wasn’t looking for a relationship and neither was she. We got to her flat she introduced me to her flat mate. Fuck that girl was cute but that’s not why i was there. We had to make a visit to the supermarket, she needed some groceries i needed a tooth brush since i was spending the night. We got back to her place, her pal prepared food while we smoked. I had a few glasses of wine. We talked about Foey, i had just realized that i had feelings for her….how it happened i don’t know.

Anywho, at the end of the conversation she just looked at me and said “you’re so gay’….. I think it’s the way i described Foey to her. When i talk about a girl i like fireworks fill the room…..you can’t see them but you can feel them. Foey had a little monster inside her but that wasn’t enough to scare me. It consumed me. She was always in control. She was responsible. Her cocktail was just hard to resist. Bitter but elegant. Anywho, her pal made something i don’t remember what it was, i was too high and horny. We all ate. Then we went to the kitchen for some cigarettes. Something led to another and we started kissing. She made me her bitch. It had been 4 yrs without sex. The last time it was with a guy. She fucked me right there on the kitchen door. I didn’t even care if her neighbors were watching. I came and i was like “fuck my pussy has never been this hot and wet,” She showered and then i showered… I didn’t put my clothes on, i got hers off and this time i traced my mid finger to her clit. Our nipples rubbed as her fingers massaged the insides of my womanhood. She pretty much had control. I let her have it i was in another world. Her friend was listening to spoken words. It was fucking awesome.

I woke up the next morning and showered and then left to get some cigarettes. I came back and told her that i was leaving, she told me not to. I got back on the mattress and she fucked me again. I couldn’t believe that i was thinking of leaving. She showered while her cute tall friend made breakfast. They rolled some good old weed and we finished the remaining bottle of wine. I showered again, i was getting ready to leave but she wasn’t hearing it. I wanted her again. Her friend left so we had the house to ourselves, we fucked all over the place. On the couch and on the floor. If you are smart then you get my drift. I tried to be in control. She was too powerfull. I gave up and had to catch my breath several times. I came like rain… i pretty much had to shower again. She was still naked when i left. We didn’t talk for days. I think she was offended. I was still a baby. I wanted Foey, i wanted to do to her what she had done to me. I texted her, the idea of doing it again was pretty much on the table. She called and then a few days later i called her but she wasn’t picking up. She was sick and i was worried. I called her with a different number, she picked but she hanged up on me. I wasn’t hurt just disappointed. I was thinking damn maybe if i got close to her i’d fool around with her cute tall friend too.

She opened my world. I became a hunter. Making out in loo’s with barsexuals, bisexuals and fake ass lesbians became my thing. I was still hung up on Foey but i was working on erasing her from my mind. I did it eventually but months after telling her how i felt. She was cool about it at first but that was the end of our friendship. I think i scared the shit out of her.

In one of my crazy dates I met Lola and here i am again. The idea of us together makes me wanna settle down but the problem is i can’t share her. I can’t compete with a guy. I can’t have her when she wants me. I wanna be there for her. She was making more than i was when we met and that is another problem. Suddenly, she has taken over my post again. This is so not cool!

 

Bullshit…

In our society, when a woman dies sometimes there is beef between the husband and the parents on where she should be buried. Sometimes it gets so ugly that the court has to make the final decision which may take months. Keep in mind the body is still in the morgue. In most cases the court rules in the husband’s favour. It doesn’t matter if they were divorced or separated. It doesn’t matter if the husband was abusive or if he had other women on the side…..Now this is what i call bullshit. I’m not a feminist, but i believe men and women should have equal rights. If you can’t decide where your ex husband should be buried why should he decide your final resting place? Just because he married you he doesn’t own you….I’m just saying.